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Of course, this takes practice. There is no quick fix, or magic pill. Ok there is a magic pill, but add that to the list of things you should not do.

For many reasons, but most importantly because if you rely upon this then your prowess is based on an external support, and you will not have real confidence.

So it will take practice to retrain your body to stay relaxed during lovemaking. And the very best support for this is your breath. If your breath stays normal and relaxed, the rest of your body will stay normal and relaxed too.

So paying attention to your breath, when it starts to speed up, then slow down your movements until the breath slows. Rather than distract ourselves by thinking of something boring or unsexy, Tantra recommends the opposite — pay even more attention.

Bring your attention to the pleasure you are feeling. This goes hand in hand with the advice of paying attention to your breath but goes further.

One of the truths about men is that generally, they are not very aware of their bodies. Which is incredibly unfortunate — the entire body is an erogenous zone.

Ever heard of full body orgasms? Well you can have them! But you need to learn to pay attention to the other parts of the body, to learn to feel pleasure there, to learn to spread the energy and pleasure there.

So next time that you are making love, or masturbating , focus not only on the obvious sensations in the penis, but focus on other parts of the body.

Maybe your belly, or your hands. And see if you are able to mentally spread some of the pleasure building up in the genitals to those parts of your body.

This may sound strange, but just try it. Touch that part of your body, scratch it, have your partner kiss it or caress it, and just notice how the pleasure and energy can expand beyond that one focal point.

And when the pleasure and energy expand it allows for more energy to build up in the lingam — the Sanskrit and Tantric word for penis — without that need to explode.

Practicing Yoga, Qi Gong, meditation , or martial arts will also help you to bring awareness into the body, and develop your ability to focus your mind and be present.

There are many techniques in the Tantra tradition that are working specifically with sexual energy. To master ejaculation control, what we want to learn to do is to sublimate this energy — that is to lift it out of the sexual organs, along the spine to other parts of the body.

There are two very simple ways to do this:. The first is to again use the breath, but this time in a specific way.

Basically, as you breathe, you imagine or visualize the breath and energy moving in the system. Its moving down the front of your body as you breath in, all the way down into the genitals and pelvic floor, and as you exhale this energy travels up the back, through the spine, to the very top of the head.

You can practice this alone, as a meditation technique, or during masturbation, or during sex. Give it a try and notice the effects.

The second simple practice is whats called mula bandha in Tantra or Kegel exercises in the west — the contraction of the muscles of the pelvic floor.

You told us to stay relaxed. Yes that is true, in general staying relaxed creates the best conditions for controlling your ejaculation.

However when we train the muscles of the pelvic floor we are building our stamina, toning all the parts of the physical body in the region — and this practice should be done outside of lovemaking, and can be done anywhere, anytime.

To practice, just squeeze all the muscles of the pelvic floor, as tight as you can, and hold that for three seconds. Then relax the muscles completely for three seconds and repeat.

To add this to lovemaking occasionally pulse the muscles of the pelvic floor, while visualizing this pulse sending the energy upwards. Start doing this right at the beginning, and it will help to flush the energy up, making room for new and more energy.

Though there are much more tips and techniques, these three are the real foundation for fully learning to control your sexual energy.

When you can control ejaculation, with full confidence can fuck like you want to, this confidence will show it in every area of your life — more confidence in the bedroom translates to more confidence at work, with your friends, in your relationship, everywhere.

In Tantra it is understood that the sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the human being, and by building up more and more of this energy within us, we become empowered in all sorts of ways.

This is how powerful these energy techniques are — that you can make love for hours on end, not cum, and still never have blueballs.

All the sexual energy flushes up along the spine, activating the heart, and enlivening the brain.

I hope that you take and practice these ejaculation control techniques and you become the type of lover that you have always wanted to be.

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